My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
