we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
