Tell her she can't have a vagina
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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