the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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