I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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