you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
