I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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