My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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