Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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