I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
