How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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