there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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