Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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