i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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