I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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