He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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