Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
