Got a toothbrush?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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