My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
