Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
