I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
