well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
