Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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