Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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