My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
