Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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