The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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