I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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