Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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