she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
