Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
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Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
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I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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