Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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