Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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