i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Randomize
