And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
