I just pynch a tree in the face
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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