I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
