idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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