Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
