Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
