He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize