We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
