glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i came on her dog
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
