Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i will never coherently bang her
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
