is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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