now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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