and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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