hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
