I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
