I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
only if we run a train.
done.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
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He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
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You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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