Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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