I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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