you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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