last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
