After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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