you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
porn star boner night. come get it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
