I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
