Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
