People in love make me want to vomit
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
