pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
