yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
