oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
