i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
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just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
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Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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