I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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