I'm laying in your front yard are you home
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
