Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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