Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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