At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
