He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
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He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
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Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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